February 20

My Little Secret: If Fear Didn’t Exist


I wrote this poem almost 3 years ago, when I was keeping a secret from one of my dearest friends, but really from myself.

I came across it while going through my old journals.

I love writing and keeping journals because I can go back and remember the exact moment, idea, thought, situation, or whatever led me to write.

I haven’t really kept one much this year, but I will start again.

Journaling is great.

It helps me clear my thoughts and express myself. You can have a gratitude journal, devotional journal, art journal, or a combination of different journals.

Now to the spoken word, or written word.

My Little Secret

If fear didn’t exist what would you say, what would you do?
Would you give me your heart?
If there was no hurt from the past
Would you love me openly
Showing me your true nature and sensitivity
If you knew I wouldn’t hurt you
Would things be different?
Would we talk more?
Spend more time together?
Would you introduce me to the fam?
Take me around your friends?
Would we make love by candle light?
If you weren’t afraid that I wouldn’t love you
Would we make plans for our future together?
Planning trips, thinking about forever?
Would we laugh together, play together, and pray together?
I’m scared, so afraid because I love you.
I want to talk more, spend more time together
Tell you that I love you
Dedicate my time and energy to you
I want to open up completely to you.
No longer holding back, free to love you and only you.
I want us to establish our places in each others lives
I want to help you achieve your goals as you help me achieve mines
I’m holding this secret inside
I cannot imagine the future without you,
But I can’t imagine the future without being hurt by you
Baby do you hear me, I’m scared too
If you trust in me, I will trust in you
Together we can make our dreams come true.
If fear wasn’t a factor…I’d tell you how madly I’m falling in love with you.
I’d give you my heart, and it would be yours to keep
I’d hold you close and never let you go
I’m holding this secret inside that could change our lives
When you stumble I’ll be there, right there with you making sure you don’t fall
Your best friend, lover, cheerleader, supporter, coach, council, most of all
The woman that loves you for who you are.
Your mind, your caring nature, the sound of your voice,
the look in your eyes, the jokes you tell,
It’s not about your money or material things
It’s you the man you are and the man you are becoming.
If I wasn’t afraid I would tell you my heart is already yours.
I’m holding this secret inside
At night I yearn to hear your heart beat while you hold me close
My thoughts fleeting, heart racing, thinking of how you make me feel
Imagining the intensity when we dance the ultimate dance
I don’t want to give you the sweetest part of me, unless you accept all of me.

We spent years holding in our mutual feelings!

We sometimes reflect on how things may have been different if we spoke up instead of acting out of fear.

We don’t dwell on it but know that there won’t be anymore secrets between us.


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