2022 comes to a close and on this episode of the Abundantly Ever After Show, I share some reflections and wisdom that I’ve gathered.
I experienced some deep losses and hurt this year, and throughout it all I give thanks for the wisdom and medicine of it all.
Heartbreaking is the word I chose to describe the challenges of this year, but what it means is much more than what it seems.
I had the pleasure of attending a Devoted Solstice Ceremony hosted by Sora Schilling where the word HEARTBREAKING landed for describing the challenges of 2022. I shared on IG what came up for me as I reflected on that word:
To sum up the challenges of 2022, the word that encompasses it all is HEARTBREAKING 💔.
Not in the sense of losing a past love but in the sense of having to breakdown every part of me that allowed struggle, pain, lack, and limitation, so that I could be freed.
Within my deepest losses I found freedom and truth. I was able to expand beyond what I thought I was capable of.
Heartbreak does not feel good, but if you witness it and allow it to speak you can find the wisdom in it.
2022 owes me nothing! What is unfolding for me NOW, and what’s to come was worth every challenge.❤️🔥
Sometimes your heart needs to break. It needs to break free of what constricts it in order to truly beat to the rhythm of your Soul.
❤️🩹What if heartbreak is how the love gets in?? Tune in for talk about breaking free and allowing yourself to live!
Peace and Blessings, Abundant Souls, thank you for tuning into the Abundantly Ever After Show. I want to share some Solstice insights that I have been receiving and just some random conversation for the show today.
And I’m going to try to do this my best without crying.
I have been really, really tender lately. And so that’s kind of what’s leading into this particular conversation, about the heart, about heartbreak; and ways to reframe those things and those challenges.
So, let’s go ahead and get right in to it.
Winter Solstice is upon us.
This is the time of the year when the season changes from autumn to winter and there is just potent energy. Fall time for me is a beautiful time of the year.
My birthday is in the fall.
It’s what I like to call my reflective season. That’s when I start to let things go.
I start to release things in winter. That’s it! I’m usually kind of like in a hibernation mode in winter time.
I will say, since the panini happened, the pandemic… my end of the year planning is not as intense, it’s more intuitive. I do certain practices, reflection and reviews, and some of the things that I do I include in my Spiritual Love Planner.
This year, I have not done any of that.
I attended a beautiful, Devoted Solstice Ceremony with Devoted Community leader, Sora Schilling and my Apprentice sisters and our whole Devoted Community, and it was absolutely amazing.
I thought about all of the challenges that I’ve had this year and came up with a word to describe the feeling to describe and sum up what I experienced in 2022.
- I kind of let my business go.
- I was no longer taking clients.
- I let a relationship go.
- I let parts of myself go.
There were a lot of losses in 2022. Some of them were necessary. There were some really painful losses that I dealt with as far as having a miscarriage and not really sharing that with anybody.
So HEARTBREAKING was the word, because when I think about all that 2022 was and the culmination of it, what really stands out is the pain that I experienced in child loss.
But what actually happened is that my heart didn’t break as though I was yearning for a lost love or grieving necessarily the loss of another baby.
Because I look at things differently. I won’t get into that on this episode, but I know that there was a message that was delivered to me through that little Spirit Baby, but…
The heartbreak, right. The losses and challenges that I had forced me to really face myself, I had to face my fears.
I had to face the limitations and the stories that I was telling myself.
And what happened was my heart didn’t break because someone hurt me or, you know, I let go of a relationship.
That wasn’t the heartbreak.
The heartbreak was me breaking away from the things that hurt me and the things that did not serve me, and some of those things I did have an attachment to.
And so it felt like my skin was being ripped away from me, in a sense. And what actually was happening was that I was being freed from bondage, I was being freed from trauma.
I was being freed from a life, a vibration that no longer resonated with me. When I allowed that to just take over and take me out of those situations and I just released it without expectation. I just went with what happened.
It helped me to expand and open up.
And so this morning I was thinking about my word heartbreak, and it led me to create a post and just kind of really reflecting on where did this come from and thinking about the concept of heartbreak.
I’ve talked about this before, how no one can truly break our hearts, right the heartbreak or heartache that we feel when a partner cheats or relationship ends.
It’s a um, I forget what I called it, but it’s a syndrome.
They’re emotions and thoughts that we are reliving that continue to cause pain.
But when your heart truly breaks, and I think about the, I believe it’s Japanese culture where if they have a piece of pottery that breaks and there’s a name for it, and there are people who do this, they restore the pottery and they fill in the cracks with gold.
That’s what I’m seeing, right? So every time I talk about heartbreak, I go back to that image of a beautiful piece of pottery being put back together and the cracks being filled with gold and what’s left is now a beautiful work of art, that to me is so potent and just beautiful.
And I’m sharing this because it ties into your being able to live Abundantly Ever After. Sometimes you need to allow your heart to break, to break away from the struggle, the lack, the limitations, the people, the habits, the places, the feelings, the stories, the energies, the beliefs, the limitations that no longer serve you.
And it can hurt like hell to do that because it’s almost like a breaking down of yourself and that’s what I experienced this year.
I had to break me down, so that I could build myself back up.
Because had I not, I would not be here as I am right now, today, in this moment. I would probably still be living through a lot of pain and grief and heartache and struggle and without diving into a lot more around like child loss and things like that… Like I’m just using that as an example because that was one of the most poignant pains that I experienced this year.
And I could have allowed myself to mope and really grieve and be in a state of hurt and anger and bitterness and rage around it.
And I gave myself time. I was like, OK, like, how do you feel? Feel it, feel every ounce of whatever it is that I need to feel, and then you have to get up because. If you, if I were, if I stayed in that space, in that place, with the circumstances surrounding everything, I would not have gotten out of it.
I would not have gotten back up, and I had to pull myself forward.
In doing that, I was able to free myself from so many things.
And you know, after like everything that I experienced within relationship spaces, within my business, I was like maybe this isn’t for me, maybe this isn’t what I want or what I need.
But there was something deeper saying like no LOVE is still here.
You’re still here to serve people through your business. And everything is coming. But you cannot get to that space of abundance, the abundantly ever after that I want it to live.
I could not get there with the people in my life at that time. And I needed to see that in a very deep and profound way. So when that occurred, and I was able to see like this shit is blocking my blessings.
This shit is not for me.
And when I allowed myself to witness what it was for, what it was, without being attached to it, I was able to take my hands off it and let it go.
That came with a lot of prayer.
It came with a lot of healing work.
It came with a lot of support from the amazing people in my life.
So I’m not saying that it was easy and it was just like, oops, snap of the fingers. I’m done.
I did a lot of deep work.
I stepped away from social media.
I was not doing a lot of things.
I was very much in a cocoon, allowing myself to mend.
Now that I am on the other side of it, I’m able to sit back and reflect and see that the heartbreak was actually an opening and an expansion that allowed me to grow into a stronger, healthier, happier version of myself who is able to now step forward in relationships within my business, within my life, within my roles in this lifetime, in a more dynamic way.
Continue to show up for yourself when things hurt and when times get hard. We talked about that from the basketball coach who says, you become a person that handles hard better. And that’s true.
So now, when I look at being heartbroken or hurting, I have a deeper understanding of actually what that is and speaking around heartbreak and heartache and just things of that nature, what I’ve come to know too is that it’s never anyone else who truly can break our heart.
It’s often our soul is calling to us, longing to be nurtured and nourished because it’s not getting what it needs.
So then situations in our life are created so that you have to pay attention to it, right?
Because had I not nursed my wounding, had I not tended to my emotions or my feelings and nurtured my heart, I would still be an emotional wreck.
I was able to move through that and get to a space where I realized that not only is heartbreak like a freaking and when I say it, it’s like I’m seeing chains falling off and a heart just like kind of bursting open, but it’s bigger, and it’s glowing and it’s a very beautiful thing.
So it’s not what we think it is, I think within our lives, we attach so much value to other people that we forget about our own inherent value and we think that ending a connection or losing a connection with someone takes something away from us, but in reality you gain so much more.
You gain so much more.
When you really give your soul, when you give yourself what it is that you need, you grow and you expand and you start to look back on challenges with a different perspective, from a different vantage point.
And that’s how I’m able to look back and see like, wow, like this “heartbreak”, was actually expansion for me. This heartbreak actually allowed me to grow.
This heartbreak is what is now allowing love and abundance in.
Because before it was so constricted, like I wasn’t really breathing, I wasn’t really living, I wasn’t really feeling the passion and the zest for life in the same way that I do now, that I’m free of a lot of restriction.
And so that’s really what I, what I wanted to share is just that I’ve seen now that heartbreak is how the Love gets in, and if we can start to reframe that, oh, this person left me and it’s like, no they didn’t.
This person created space for love to find me.
This person created space for me to manifest the love that’s really aligned for me.
This person creates space for me to really focus on manifesting the abundance that I desire and deserve.
So the more that we start to reframe these things that have become laden and so guilt heavy and burdened. It shifts the dynamic of how you approach yourself, how you approach life and love, everything in between.
So what if you saw losing your job as the opportunity to find work that’s more in alignment for you, or the opportunity to really pursue a passion that you’ve had that you’ve never really been able to do?
What if you saw your challenges as points for healing, points for expansion, and points for growth?
Like how would that change things in your life?
How could that free up your mind and your heart to think creatively rather than to be in a state of fear and anxiety over the challenges that we experience?
And I know I can talk about these things from my perspective from a higher perspective, because I’ve gotten through them to the other side, but when you’re when you’re in it, it’s very hard to see.
Like my daughter, right now she’s going through some challenges and my advice to her is like feel what you feel but do not stay in it.
Feel what you feel, but do not stay in it.
Because there’s so much more to life.
When shit happens and shit hits the fan, I see that as an opportunity to do something different or do something better. It’s an opportunity for growth or change.
But what happens is most of the time we fixate on what didn’t happen. We fixate on what was lost instead of using that energy that we now have to create something new.
And that’s really what living Abundantly Ever After is about. It’s about seeing what is it that I need to let go of? Where can I free myself? What do I need to break away from so that I can create love in my life, so that I can create abundance in my life?
Because doing it from a place of hurt and wounding will only lead back to repeating cycles, and so in this new phase of my life, that’s something that I have to be actively aware of.
It’s like, OK, like I’m in this new space. There’s a deep sense of safety around me that I have not felt in a very, very long time. In my Solstice rituals, it was very interesting because my word I said was heartache, or excuse me, heartbreaking.
That’s the word that came up for me. But when I explored it more, what I found within that was safety. Which led me to seeing how this heartbreak really allowed me to open up and to be vulnerable from a place of safety.
My intention was also to hold a Spiritual Love Circle to really help my community bring some closure to this year and decide or feel into what this next coming year is going to be.
And it’s interesting. One of my friends on Instagram shared like they hadn’t seen anybody declaring “2023 is my year”, and that’s facts because I have not seen that either and I haven’t even done that myself.
Like I said, normally I have this elaborate planning ritual. I’ve got all my goals and I’m doing all the things, but this year has not been like that for me. I’m really just allowing myself to feel my way into it, and it actually does feel better for me, so I know what I want in my life and I know what my Abundantly Ever After looks like.
I know what I want to experience within my business, within my relationships. And so those are the things that I’m focusing on.
It’s like how do I wanna feel?
What is it that I want to create in my life?
And those are the things that I’m doing instead of setting rigid goals or things like that.
So I have my intentions and I just really allow myself to flow with that.
And it’s been absolutely beautiful.
I’m really grateful for the space and the experience and the expansion, and the lessons.
I’m really grateful for the lessons. They have been hard lessons! Why I really, really love the healing and coaching work that I do is because I do not want to see people go through the things that I go through.
So if what I share can help someone else avoid feeling heartbreak or having to stay in the heartbreak or knowing how to set boundaries, so they’re not in unhealthy relationships. Being able to release the idea that they have to struggle or be in lack like that’s what I really want to help people do, to open up to abundance in all areas of their life.
That’s what Spiritual Love Sanctuary and Abundantly Ever After Show is really all about.
It’s like creating space for you to see that there is a better way!
You absolutely do deserve to be loved.
You absolutely do deserve to experience the fullness of abundance and what that feels like.
For me, like right now, the biggest blessing is this sense of safety that I have.
When I was dealing with a particular person and never truly felt safe. There was always this overwhelming feeling of anxiety.
And when I was like, I’m done, the anxiety stopped!
Listen to your body. Because it’s always sending you messages if you don’t feel comfortable or settled in a place. Pay attention to that feeling and unfortunately, because we are on go.
We don’t have the pleasure or the ability to really like pause and feel ourselves.
And I think one of the things that the pandemic forced us into was pausing. Now that we know or have had that ability to like pause and to give space around things instead of being do, do, do all the time. It’s a different energy and it’s a different vibe.
There’s no need to go out and conquer the day like when you can really feel into what does this day desire for me right, what does my spirit desire to experience today?
And that feels really good and nourishing.
So coming from a place of pause, of sacredness, even the mundane things can make a difference.
Like I notice like when I’m driving now like. I just, I feel so relaxed and I’m not in a rush to get anywhere, even if I’m excited to be going. Wherever I’m going, I’m just enjoying the entire process of getting to where I am going and sometimes taking detours to look at the Christmas lights or to drive through, you know, areas that I used to play in as a child.
I did that yesterday after one of the solstice rituals I participated in. I just felt really nostalgic and drove back through like my old neighborhood and saw the tree that I climbed and went all the way to the top and was scared to come back down. I drove down the roads that I used to ride my bike and rollerblade on, and went past my old elementary school. It was really nourishing for me to do that.
That’s something that I don’t think I would have done before something as simple as that. Again, there’s a living when you allow yourself to truly break free.
Like, man, I’m just telling you. And it’s not just within relationships, but even within societal constraints.
I don’t listen to a lot of music that comes out, you know what I’m saying? I don’t like what’s being said, so I’m not gonna listen to it.
Sometimes there’s a song with a fire beat and I’m like, OK, I like this. But when I listen to the words, I’m like, OK, I can’t, I can’t listen to this song.
Breaking free of feeling like you have to fit into some mold or uphold some stupid ass standard of beauty, or even like the whole “if you don’t wake up at 5:00 AM, you’re just a loser” mentality that some people have, like the early bird gets the worm.
No, I can get the worm at anytime of the day. You know what I’m saying?
Like no, I’m not subscribing to anything that feels limiting.
And that is the freedom that comes along when you allow yourself to say no to what’s not serving you, to what’s not right for you to let go of people, places, things that make you question who and what you are.
So I’m going to leave you with this. And I love you, I wish you nothing but success, love and abundance today and every day. I will see you on the next episode of the Abundantly Ever After Show.
Remember you can visit my website www.spiritualofsanctuary.com to find show episodes, blog posts, videos, all of that and then some.
I love you.