October 15

Embracing Your Villain Era

Peace and blessings Abundant Souls. I am back and I’m really excited! Today, on this episode of the Abundantly Ever After Show I’m going to be talking about the villain era and what that means for me.

It’s been a while since I’ve recorded.I was busy studying for my licensure exam.
Then I also was dealing with a bit of congestion. I had a  bad head cold and wanted to process all that so that I wasn’t sounding so nasally.

So I am back and just  excited about all of the changes and transitions that are happening in my life. My goals are right on point. I’ve also been in the background a little by little working on my business website, Spiritual Love Sanctuary, so that will go live when I am ready to start taking on clients again and working as a licensed massage therapist.

I’m super excited.

Creating a New Planner for 2023

Also, I’ve been developing the 2023 Spiritual Love planner that I created to help you live Abundantly Ever After. It’s been evolving every time that I work on this planner, and it’s such a beautiful thing.

Initially when I first created it, it was called the Single Moms Spiritual journal and inside it was just like journaling and some rituals and spiritual guidance.

And then I was like, no, it needs to be a planner.

So then it evolved into a planner and I renamed it to the Spiritual Love planner. This year I’m trying to decide if it’s going to be called the Spiritual Love Planner or the Abundantly Ever After Planner.

I do not know. I’m just going to get it complete and then feel into what the name desires to be. Anyway, let’s talk about the villain era.

What’s the Villain Era

I want to be very clear before getting into this going further that this does not mean that you are being malicious towards others in any way shape or form.

So what does it mean?

I remember I posted this on Facebook, something along the lines of “I’m the villain now and that’s OK”. One of my friends was like, I don’t know how to react to this.

I don’t know, you know, whether this is a good thing. Like what does this mean?
Often when we think of villains.

They’re the bad guy in the movie or, especially, like in Disney, like they have very clear villain stories. Think Cruella de Vil, or Maleficent was kind of the villain.

So there are very distinct villains in movies. Oftentimes we don’t know their story, right? 

We just know that they’re the bad person and they are upsetting or hurting or preventing the antagonist from doing whatever it is that they need to do.

So I decided to call this era of my life my villain era because I look back specifically in my relationships and just dealings with other people, whether it’s been past employers, past friendships, past relationships, and I was always, over giving to people to the point of my own detriment.

Manifesting Intentions with the Moon in Aries

This year I started massage therapy school, which meant I’m going to school full time, which immediately changed my schedule. It changed the things that I was available for, and I was  focused and specific on the two things that I wanted to manifest this year.

Recently, as of this recording, we had the Full Moon in Aries. The New Moon in Aries is the moon that I really base my intentions on. That’s when I anchor into what  I want to accomplish this year.

And usually during the Full Moon in Aries that same year, you’ll see where you have gotten along that journey. You may find that you’ve completed a goal, you’re on the path to completion, or that some of the things that you wanted to do are not coming to fruition.

Either way, that cycle is complete.

So I looked back into my journal at what I put down for the New Moon in Aries that was around the 1st of April. So the days before leading up to and then post that New Moon.

There were two specific things that I wrote down.

One was completing massage therapy school, becoming a licensed massage therapist, and the other was for my relationship or the individual that I was dealing with at the time, for our relationship to evolve.

A Note About Manifesting Relationships

The thing about relationships…

We can set our intentions for that relationship, however we cannot control the other individual in the relationship, which is why when it comes to spiritual work I do not advise doing love work that is targeted to a specific person or trying to bring a specific person in.

I always like to focus that work on myself unless I am in a committed relationship, and it’s something that we are doing together because we both have the same intention to see our relationship grow and flourish.

Just a side note on that, if you want to talk more about things like that, I got you.

So I set these two goals and it was really beautiful. It’s also bittersweet because I could clearly see that my first intention, completing massage therapy school, passing my exam, becoming a licensed massage therapist, all of that was on track.

But when I looked at this intention that I set with this relationship like that was not where I intended it to be. The things that we had talked about, the plans that we made together, none of that was on track.

None of that came to fruition. And in fact, I ended that relationship a few months before the Aries Full Moon.

But I say it was bittersweet because it just kind of reminded me like there’s a bit of grieving. But then there was also relief because I now know that cycle is closed.

This was not a healthy relationship. It was toxic and manipulative. It was just unhealthy. And I’m grateful that it closed. In doing so, that freed me up to really open my heart and call in a divine, sacred, Spiritual Love, which is what I am all about and what I deserve.

Paving the Way for My Villain Era

Looking back at all the time and energy that I have put into not only that relationship but also in relationships with my family. Wanting to get things in a different direction, changing the dynamic of the relationship with my family, with my parents. And just having connection and community in a deeper way.

I started looking at where I was my putting my energy and determining if it is even serving me.

  • When I call this person and have a conversation with them, how do I feel afterwards?
  • What is the nature?
  • What is the frequency of the connection between me and this person, or this situation, or this habit? 

Being nice, overly giving, being loving and kind, compassionate, empathetic, and understanding has always been part of my nature. It’s just part of who I am.

It’s what makes me a great healer and coach, but it’s also what allows me to give away my power in certain situations.

Reclaiming My Power

I call this my villain era because looking back at this relationship that has spanned a little over a decade and was filled with love at one point, but it just was no longer fruitful. 

And you know, I continued to give my energy, giving my time, really trying to love, nurture, grow, and be open to this change. Ultimately, it was a waste of my time.

So rather than staying in situations which I have had the habit of doing in the past.

Staying in situations longer than I should, I declared this my villain era because I have set such profound boundaries to protect my energy, my time, my money, my peace, my business, my family.

And when you set boundaries, it is going to disturb the mind and the spirit of the people who can no longer take advantage of you or who lose access to you.

When I call this my billing error, it’s not about me being a bitch.

It’s not about me being malicious.

It’s not about me hurting other people or intentionally, or doing anything to disturb anybody else’s piece.

This is about me reclaiming my power.

One of the things that villains do, they are power hungry and so maybe they’re coming after someone else’s power, they’re trying to muddle up somebody’s plans, or they’re just angry and vindictive. 

Not approaching it with that same energy, but I am all about reclaiming what is mine! Taking back my power, taking back my peace, calling in abundance and being very much about myself.

Let Them Think Whatever They Choose

To some people who think that ‘Oh, well I asked you to do this, so you should do it’.
And I’m like NO, they’re going to think, oh she’s being a bitch.

Oh she’s being mean.
Ohh she’s stuck up.
Ohh she’s this… she’s that… she thinks she’s this, and she thinks she’s that.

And that’s fine. They can think that.

So I am 102000% willing to be the bad guy and other people’s eyes if it means that I have access to my full power, to the full range of Love that resides within me, to the full range of peace, to the ability to have all of my mental faculties because I’m no longer stressing or worrying about anything, because I have created an Oasis. I have created sanctuary within myself and around me.

Even as I go through school, and I’m still in school right now. We are almost finished and it’s again like such a beautiful thing, but also sad, because I love my instructor, so I’m like, I don’t want to leave you.

But also I know that I’m going on to do amazing and phenomenal things and to be a benefit to people in my community, who are in need of support through healing touch, through massage, through energy healing and the other ways that I’m able to support them.

But it’s like so much resistance that I experienced from the people closest to me while I was on this journey to transforming myself in my life. And I will say that since I started this program, I have become a completely different person.

I am not the same person.

The Villain Era

And that’s why I said like if I had to call this chapter of my life something, it would absolutely be my villain era because people are not happy with the responses or the energy that they are receiving back from me, and it’s because I have put boundaries in place to protect the things that.

I have worked so hard. I’m talking about the super sacrifices that I’ve made to really put myself in this position, to do all of the things that I have desired to do from the moment that I had the seed planted within me to start a business supporting people through healing.

You have every right to be selfish.

You have every right to put yourself first. You have every right to do that.

And if that means that people are going to think you’re mean, or they’re going to think you’re bitchy or they’re going to think that you’re stuck up, or whatever other labels they want to place on you, let them think what they want to think.

You can be the bad guy.

And I just, I got myself to the point where I was willing to be the bad guy if it means that I am living abundantly ever after.

If it means that I am able to give my daughter the life that she deserves and the experiences that will help her to grow and thrive as her own unique self, then that is what I am all about.

I am with the villain shit right now.

OK, lets remember that don’t mean I’m going to be out here starting.
shit. But it also means I’m not gonna lay down and take shit from anyone else.

Always Celebrate Yourself

I’m so about protecting my peace and making sure that the life that I’ve built, that the business that I’ve built, that I am surrounded by people who are on the same frequency.

People who are supportive,  loving,  kind,  open minded, and aren’t going to rain on my parade. And that’s something that I probably talk about in a separate episode, how sometimes you see the truth of people in your happiest moments.

You might come and just be celebrating like a win. And then they’re like, OK, so. And you’re like, what the… What do you mean?

This is huge. This is monumental, and you deserve every right to celebrate.

And I was talking to one of my dearest, dearest friends. She is a true sister to me, Goddess, Afua Danso. She is an international singer-songwriter, and I love her to death.
She has some beautiful songs out, Yeah, I’m A Goddess and No Mo. Both are beautiful songs that are super empowering.

And she was telling me, “Yeah, you need to celebrate yourself!”, because I passed my exam.

I put my life on hold, kind of shut down my business, and I said, I’m going to school for massage therapy. I’m going to become a licensed massage therapist.

I passed my exam on the first try.

I passed every exam that my instructor gave us. And when I passed, and I’m like, okay, now, it’s the next thing. Now I’m like, okay, I need to work on getting my license, get all that stuff done. 

And she’s asking me, what did I do to celebrate?

I’m like, I’ll celebrate when I start working, I want to do this, and I want to do that first and she’s like, no, no. Afua’s  like, I hear you, but what are you doing to celebrate?

Because you need to celebrate yourself.

And I pause. And I’m like, you’re right, you’re absolutely right.

So she’s like, I don’t care what you do, I don’t know if you want to go outside, pick a pebble up off the ground or if you want to go get tacos (because she know how I do when it comes to tacos).

But she’s hammered home the fact that I need to celebrate.

This is why having people in your life who can reflect to you is so important. Because she’s like, no, you need to stop and celebrate.

I say this all the time to other people. Celebrate the steps along your journey. We can be so focused on the end goal and not enjoy the process of getting there.

Then, once we reach that, boom, it’s on to the next thing. Instead, we need to pause, be in the present moment, be in the now, soak it all in, and be grateful for the things that you have accomplished.

One of the things that I’ve been doing, like I said, I journal a lot, so going back looking at my journal. I have my journal, and then I started a journal in my massage therapy notebook where I was writing down like you know the different experiences, such as how was it when I did my first massage, things I wanted to improve on, other things that I want to learn.

I went back in my journal and just seeing my growth even, you know when I do a practical massaging someone in clinical there’s a complete difference in my skill, my technique, and my confidence level…everything!

Everything from like the beginning of the class when I’m like, Oh my gosh, what am I doing, has changed.

And so it’s just phenomenal to really go back and see myself and honor that. I took the time to learn, to practice, to develop, to grow and to excel. Now I get to go on and use these skills and this gift to help other people in a variety of settings.

So it’s really beautiful, but if I had not been present and really paying attention to, or even having the wherewithal just to jot down the experiences that I was having, I wouldn’t be able to go back and reflect. I wouldn’t necessarily be able to witness and see the growth.

Even my instructor is reminding me to look where you are now, to rest in the fact that I did this. We do celebrate each other in class. For myself and my classmate this is a huge accomplishment.

No matter what you’re doing, make sure that you are enjoying the journey along the way.

If there’s something that you’ve wanted to do that you want to try.

Give yourself permission to do it.

You’re not too old.

It’s not too late.

You can find a way.

I didn’t know how I was going to pay for massage school.But listen, when I tell you a spirit made a way for all of this to happen. The ancestors came through, doors were opened, roads were paved before my feet. And it happened.

And now I am here. I worked so hard. I had to go through a lot of healing, and face a lot of things. I had to come to terms with so much shit along this journey.

Protecting My Growth

That is why I am in what I am calling my villain era. Because as I blossom into this beautiful version of myself, there are certain people, certain frequencies, certain places and situations that I refuse to allow into my experience.

The Jovhannah that existed last month and the month before and at the beginning of the year, she does not exist anymore.

Around my birthday I had posted something on social media and I wanted to share it with you. It was a beautiful honoring of myself:

To all the versions of me that once existed so that I could heal, grow and thrive.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

And that is h’oponopono an ancient um Hawaiian prayer. It is a actual ritual that they would do. They would have healing circles or talking circles.

If there was a dispute within the community or if you had an issue with someone, you would come together, and you would air out your grievances peacefully and each person would recite the prayer but also they would explain a bit why for each line. 

I went through a training program on this beautiful technique and it’s so powerful.

I say it to myself often, it is very healing on multiple levels.

So I included that as part of my ritual.

I shared that life has taught me deep lessons about love, motherhood, forgiveness, grief, loss, healing, and so much more.

I’m grateful for all the experiences that taught me who I am and who I am.

To be entering a completely new phase of life filled with wisdom, passion, peace, love and abundance cheers to me.

So what this means is that I am saying goodbye to past versions of myself I am entering a new aspect of life.
A new version of myself.
A new phase of life.
And I am guarding that shit. I am protecting that.

If anyone tries to approach me with anything that is not in alignment with that, I need them to know this is my villain time.

This is the era of me being a villain, to people who think that they can walk all over me, to people who think that they can interrupt my flow or disrupt my peace in any way, shape or form.

Stand Firm In Your Boundaries

And so you get to be the villain. You get to set boundaries, you can be assertive.

You can stand firm in whatever it is that you need to stand firm in to make sure that you’re protecting your dreams, your goals, your ideas, and the life that you’re building for yourself.

You do not have to let people have access to you that have harmed you or miss wronged you or that negatively impact your mental or emotional well-being.

And I think that’s something a lot of people can take for granted and thinking that just because you’re family or just because you work together, just because you know so-and-so, that you’re supposed to stay connected to them.

And I always think about, like, have you ever, like, ran into somebody from high school and that person was a complete asshole to you? They didn’t like you then they might have talked shit about you, but now that you’re grown and you see them, and they’re like, 

Oh my God, girl, hey.
No, no.
I’m not fooling with you.
I’m not!

Just because we went to the same school together 2 decades ago does not mean that you get to be my friend now or that you get to enter my space now.

And I just, I think it’s so funny how that happens.
I remember I ran into somebody that I went to school with and she kept trying to be like, didn’t you go to such and such school or isn’t your name?
And I’m like, I’m shaking my head no like, I’m sorry, you must have me confused with my cousin or something like that, I said.
But, no! You don’t get to speak to me.
And so that’s what like, listen, I’m so serious about boundaries.

Give yourself permission to be the villain.

Who cares?

Other people are gonna think and feel whatever they think and feel anyway.

Make sure that you are like protecting your peace.
Because if you don’t, if you don’t have boundaries, and you’re a giver and you like to be there to support others, but the people around you are not willing or able to do the same, they will drain you.

That’s not fair to you because that will only throw you off, and then you’ll find yourself kind of back at square one trying to restore and refresh your mind, your body and your soul and getting back on track.

And I know because I have been in that cycle of, you know, trying to share the wealth and spread the love with people who were not able to maintain that same reciprocity. And it wound up draining me mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually to the point where it’s like I had to get off the ride.

I had to step out of that cycle because if I stayed on it, I would not have passed my exam. I would not be on my way to becoming a licensed massage therapist. My mental health would probably be in shambles. I’d be filled with anxiety, depression and fear. And I’m just so grateful to say that I am not that person.

And because I know that I can slip into over giving and wanting to help other people and putting my own interest on the back burner to try to be of support to other people, I have to be the villain so I can protect myself.

So my inner warrior has to come out and be like no. I had to cultivate that.

I had to cultivate that, because that was not normal for me, and it’s still something that I am. Learning and integrating even now is about me saying no. Before deciding and saying, Oh my gosh, yeah, I can totally do that and sign myself up for something that I don’t want to do.

I’m pausing. I’m seeing, do I have the space for this?

Energetically, mentally, do I want to deal with this, you know, time wise?

Do I have the actual time to sit down and be of support to someone else?

And if it’s no, then it’s no. And I’m not giving any explanation.

So if that makes me the villain, OK, cool, I’ll do that.

I’ll take that.
Fine by me.

So that’s it for today’s episode.

I’d love to know how you feel about the villain.

If you are entering into your villain era.

If that’s something that you are curious about how to implement, how to integrate into your own life, let me know.

Please know that you can always join me inside the Collective. It’s my free community where I share posts that you would normally find on like social media, or in a Facebook group, or on Instagram and I created this space, because most of social media is filled with scammers.

A Word on Scammers

If you’re following me on Instagram (or any social platform) and someone’s in your DMs, just know that it is not me.

I only have one personal Instagram account @thespirituallovehealer. There is an account for the show @abundantlyeveraftershow. These are my accounts. Each word is spelled correctly. There aren’t spaces or dashes, no symbols, no extra letters, no missing letters.

I do not send DMs
. I will never ask you for money or anything along those lines. So if someone does approach you in that manner, please report them to Instagram. Block them all that jazz, because it’s not me. 

All right, my beautiful friends, I love you.

For show notes and more, head over to the website abundantlyeverafter.show


Tags

Boundaries, cycles, Goals, Journey, Manifesting, Moon, villain


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